We've witnessed countless moments where the specter of fear loomed over our young athletes, threatening to overshadow their potential. This episode is an ode to the courage it takes to step onto the court and face that invisible opponent. Through the lens of recent nail-biting tournaments, Coach Steve dissects the psychological battleground our children navigate in competitive sports, and why embracing discomfort is pivotal for growth. The conversation dives into the heart of what it means to confront and conquer fear, and how these experiences shape the identity of our young competitors. Join us in celebrating the bravery of every child who dares to compete, reminding us all that the true victory lies in rising above the challenges.
This week's narrative wraps up with a powerful message for parents and coaches: our own emotional mastery is a cornerstone for our children's success in pressure-cooker environments. The echoes of a tumultuous volleyball season serve as a backdrop to discuss how leadership and emotional stability from adults can make or break the experience for our aspiring athletes. As we bid farewell to another intense season, the insights shared here aim to arm you with strategies to bolster the mental fortitude of our young champions, ensuring they walk away with not just medals, but invaluable life lessons in resilience and positivity.
We've witnessed countless moments where the specter of fear loomed over our young athletes, threatening to overshadow their potential. This episode is an ode to the courage it takes to step onto the court and face that invisible opponent. Through the lens of recent nail-biting tournaments, Coach Steve dissects the psychological battleground our children navigate in competitive sports, and why embracing discomfort is pivotal for growth. The conversation dives into the heart of what it means to confront and conquer fear, and how these experiences shape the identity of our young competitors. Join us in celebrating the bravery of every child who dares to compete, reminding us all that the true victory lies in rising above the challenges.
This week's narrative wraps up with a powerful message for parents and coaches: our own emotional mastery is a cornerstone for our children's success in pressure-cooker environments. The echoes of a tumultuous volleyball season serve as a backdrop to discuss how leadership and emotional stability from adults can make or break the experience for our aspiring athletes. As we bid farewell to another intense season, the insights shared here aim to arm you with strategies to bolster the mental fortitude of our young champions, ensuring they walk away with not just medals, but invaluable life lessons in resilience and positivity.
Speaker 1:
What's going on, everybody? This is Coach Steve. You're listening to the Cornerstone Athletics Podcast. We're back, we're rolling and I'm excited. Today. I'm going to keep this short because I'm hungry and I got some food right here. It smells good and we're going to do a little recap. Man, we're going to get this thing rolling, but before we jump into it, I just want to say a quick prayer and then we'll have our conversation for today.
Speaker 1:
So, father, god, we are here today, thankful and blessed One, just to wake up. Too often we take it, take that for granted. We take, you know, just take it way too too for granted, far too much. There's a lot of folks that don't wake up. I'm thankful that I woke up today, thankful for anybody who's listening, and that they wake up today. They woke up today and, yeah, hopefully we're doing something impactful with our life and our opportunity. So I just ask that you cover this conversation, let your spirit move through me and, uh, hopefully, hit home with folks that are listening to this and we pray this in your son's name Amen. So, gang, I apologize about last week. Some folks that hit me up said that there were some technical difficulties, and there were. I went back and listened to it and I was not happy, but I do hope that you were able to hear as much of that as you could.
Speaker 1:
What took place up in Chicago was amazing. The Easter service was amazing. It talked about just the Holy Week, the Easter story, christ dying for our sins and talking about how much God loves us to go through and send his son to do everything that was done for us to have eternal life in that relationship with him. But also we talked about what Jesus did not die for. And just a very quick recap he didn't die for us to live in shame. He didn't die for us to beat ourselves up and try to be perfectionist all the time. He didn't die for us to beat ourselves up and try to be perfectionist all the time. He didn't die for us to be hypercritical and gossipy and vindictive and angry. He didn't die for us to live in sadness, and not that we will not experience some of those things. We are human. We will have moments of guilt and shame and anger and frustration and disappointment and insecurity. But he didn't die for us to wallow and walk around covered in that. So that's the cliff notes Today we're going to talk about. Stop letting your kids be scared.
Speaker 1:
Okay and brief. You know we've been on the road with our clubs. We've been traveling. Kind of every other week is, I believe, kind of the cadence with the three different teams. So all of us were in St Louis, turned around, my two oldest went to Chicago, double back and then you know, oh, it might have been every week, I don't even remember. It becomes a blur. If you're a club parent, you know how this goes. You start to lose track of time and what team is what and the whole ticket. But anyway, we were in Dallas last week and it was a great trip. You know my youngest is on another great team.
Speaker 1:
I wanted to, probably one of the best in the country. Objectively and if you've listened to me in this podcast enough, you know I'm. I do my best to be truthful, forthright and objective. So that's an objective statement, not a oh. My kids on the team and I think they're great, they're, they're damn good.
Speaker 1:
And sometimes we struggle. Oftentimes we struggle to find formidable competition and you know we always are looking for an opportunity to do what competitors of all ages have to do and experience what they all have to go through, which is stress and pressure and anxiousness and nervousness and all of that kind of stuff. So took our show down to Dallas and if there's anything that's coming out of Dallas, it's a lot of great teams and a lot of pressure. So the reason I say don't let your kid be scared. Here's why I think a lot of times when we start to get into competitive environments, because we don't necessarily and I'm saying we I know that I've been blessed to have experience competing at a high level, but we're all in this thing together, whether you have or you haven't.
Speaker 1:
So the reason I say don't let your kid be scared we have to stop letting our children be scared is because that is something, believe it or not, that can be addressed. It's not necessarily easy to address. It's a consistent conversation, but at the end of the day, it's not something that we should allow to go unchecked and I think it's something that a lot of people try to. It's almost like an elephant in the room, in a sense, in the terms of it's there, they hope it's not there, but when it's there, they don't address it to try to make it not there. Hopefully, hopefully. That sounds way more clear than how I sounded in my head, but we're going to experience fear as competitors. We're going to experience stress, we're going to experience pressure, and it's kind of relative to all levels.
Speaker 1:
You know whether you're just beginning and whether you're one of the best in the country. That is competition in a nutshell. There's a lot of stuff that goes into it. Those are some of the things that you can guarantee will be a part of it, and too often we try to hope that we don't have to deal with it. We try to protect our kids from dealing with it. We try to protect, you know, them from feeling any discomfort and the sheer nature of competition. If you're smart, you realize it is all discomfort to some degree. You know we're always at risk and that's why I've always said, and I will always say, I don't care what age, what skill level, you are so brave, these kids are so brave for putting themselves in a situation where there's a 50 50 chance you might lose. I'm going to say it even more because you know, I think failure hits people a little bit harder. There's a 50-50 chance you might fail. There's no guarantee.
Speaker 1:
I was telling this to my kids all the time, but I was talking to some parents and I said you know the one thing that if we can get our children to understand this and they embrace it and they can digest it and they accept it, they're going to be fine in the realm of competition. If your kid and I'm saying this to coaches and parents, right, because you know, uh, maybe next week I'll talk about, um, the, the cornerstone athletics philosophy on parents, coaches and athletes and how that all interconnects more deeply but, as parents and coaches, if your kid can accept the fact, understand the fact that everything that they do, everything that they do and we're going to assume you know high level, elite stuff, because that's what I try to push people to be, no matter what the habits of being elite, habits of being elite, okay, not necessarily. Oh, I'm on varsity because and that makes me elite, no, like the work that you do is what makes you elite. That creates a by-product of X national championship made the varsity team best on the team, whatever. But if your kid and understand and accept the fact that every practice, every camp, every workout, every experience watching film, eating right, getting rest, doing the recovery stuff, hydrating, blah, blah, blah Only gives them the best opportunity To succeed, doesn't guarantee it.
Speaker 1:
Just because you went and worked hard at practice doesn't guarantee you're going to succeed, doesn't guarantee it. Just because you went and worked hard at practice doesn't guarantee you're going to win. Just because you do push-ups every night and sit-ups every night doesn't guarantee you're going to win. Just because you've put yourself in a situation to be on a really good team doesn't guarantee you're going to win. It just gives you the best opportunity. Your kid can understand that. If your kid can digest that, your kid will be absolutely fine in the world of competition. They will.
Speaker 1:
If you realize that, all of the stuff that these coaches are telling you your parents, hopefully are telling you the extra work that you're doing just gives you the best opportunity. It increases your chances of having success, not guaranteeing success. You'll be fine, because then you can move a lot of noise that interferes with the pretty simple process of success Not easy, but simple. You can move all that noise and distraction of what didn't go well, what didn't right. When you don't win Right and I'll get to that in a second you say okay, no, that's good.
Speaker 1:
You know you can look at it objectively or more objectively, you know you can break down what went wrong to why we didn't win and you can know it wasn't because we didn't do the work or it wasn't because of this. You know I wasn't eating right, I was eating crap before the game. It wasn't because I stayed up all night partying and having a good time when I should have went to bed. It wasn't any of that. It was just sheer nature of competition. On this given day, this team was better than us. On this given day, this team executed better than we did.
Speaker 1:
I find it's not even interesting. I have found that competitors, teams, organizations, whatever that can't articulate, that they can't process that always usually have some kind of a story for why they didn't get the outcome they wanted. There's usually some emotional thing it was the referees and oh, you know that other team was doing this and I can't believe this happened, and any real competitor knows. You know, as long as we can say that we did everything we could possibly do to be prepared. Sometimes you lose Not any more complicated than that especially when you're playing at a high level, when other players are really good, when other coaches are really good, and you're now in a pressure packed situation. That that, that pressure cooker situation of every single point, every single possession, every single at bat insert. Whatever your sport is matters, it's just what it is. So take that for what it's worth. Take it with a grain of salt.
Speaker 1:
We went down to Dallas. We had success, you know. We went through the first two days pretty smooth and then we got our money's worth. The last days in the semifinal and the championship, you know, play some really good teams, some um teams that were at our level or better in some areas than than us, and we fought, we dug in and we had to again, even with these young ladies being 11, at the end of the day they're at the top of the food chain, if you will, in their age group. So they're playing big time volleyball for 11 year olds and playing great defensive teams, teams that can serve at us, teams that can hit the ball relatively well. And we got we were under some pressure Semifinals. We I don't know if this is the first time we went to three all year, but we went to three, one in a very, you know, wonderful fashion and I love that stuff.
Speaker 1:
I find myself having to do a lot to get excited about anything other than those moments. To get excited about anything other than those moments. I don't know if it's years of being a competitor. I don't know if I'm just a. I got to get my crap together as a parent, you know, and I and I do my supporting and all of this. But I also look at it like this, knowing who we are, just truly and objectively. No, no emotional, anything like. We're a well-coached team, we don't make a lot of mistakes, we're very skilled. So it's really a challenge to beat us if you're not one of the best teams in the country.
Speaker 1:
Truthfully, you know you think about any sport, sport when you can say you are going up against a team that's well coached, you know, athletic and skilled and mentally there, you know, the majority of the time that's a tough task to knock them off. So it's hard for me to get excited, you know. And if you're a volleyball parent, you know how the first couple of days go when you're, if you're, a top seed, you know the competition is a little. You know underneath you if you will, and then day two should be harder sometimes and then the last day is really the you know the best teams playing in the gold bracket or whatever. So the semifinal and the championship games are the games that I really get excited about because it's going to reveal where we are as a team, you know, because it is the stressful moments, it is the pressure moments. It is, you know, hopefully the competition can do some things that we haven't seen. That forces us to adjust and adapt. So I get really excited about seeing not just my kid but competitors in those environments.
Speaker 1:
You never will know who you really are, and this is honestly, not just a competitive statement, it's also a personal statement. This is why, you know, being comfortable is so dangerous, because you never know who you really are. You can only find out who you truly are is when you're facing adversity or stress. That's why sports are so cool. You see, men, women, young men, young women do some awesome stuff under duress that the majority of people couldn't even. They can't even fathom it sitting on the couch watching it, let alone being in a game, doing it under the lights, under the pressure. So I love seeing all athletes of all ages in those moments, because those are those character building moments if you're in the right situation.
Speaker 1:
And so ladies battled, you know, got beat up on pretty good the first set in the semifinals. They bounced back in the second set and then, uh, won a tight one in the third set, and then we went to the championship and I think, on paper, where you know the team we played in the championship is, you know, a back and forth between you know, one and two in the country, more than likely, and so there was nerves, there were, you know, some anxiousness, and at the end of the day it's like, okay, we're going to find out who we are, we're going to find out where we're at and you know we're going to, no matter what takes place, move on from here and gear up to get ready for nationals, cause these are going to probably be the teams we see in nationals in the games that really count. You know, when you're pursuing what we're pursuing, and we came out and, uh, you know we didn't get it done. You know, uh, you know it's. Uh, you know life goes on, but you know it's uh, you know life goes on, but you know that they were a good team. We didn't play our best. Uh, some of our, some of our, you know, collectively as a group, um, we just didn't play our best, and that that happens, you know, were there some kids that were probably nervous and you know that got the best of them sure were, um, some of us just under stress from playing another team that could do some great stuff and make plays that we haven't seen, sure, but the collective situation is, we just didn't get it done.
Speaker 1:
And so why do I say cause I didn't forget, don't let your kid be scared Address that quickly and aggressively is because when you can say that you have a well-coached team, when you can say that you're putting in the work, when you can say that you are close to on par athletically at any level, it's all upstairs, it's internal. So all of you listening, you could probably think of a moment that you've either seen on TV Maybe you saw it in real life, maybe it was your kid where they defeated themselves before they even got to the game. Well, look how big they are, oh my goodness. Look how strong he is. Did you see what she just did? Oh my gosh. We've all seen it. We've all seen it.
Speaker 1:
You see it often and again, directly or indirectly, and I believe wholeheartedly that is something that can be addressed, that is something that can be fought and taught, because you know, for us at Cornerstone, being a faith-based organization, we don't come from a spirit of fear or timidity. Being timid, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We don't show up anywhere scared. And again, it's not to say that there won't be moments where we're uncertain or, you know, we experience fear, but we don't let it persist in a way that we defeat ourselves before we even get an opportunity to. You know, play the game. So I'm a hit hit you on the head with this. That starts with you as the leader. You don't want your kids to be scared. You don't want your kids to be fearful or worried because they are kids.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to ask you to look in the mirror and see how you respond to stressful environments and stressful situations. Don't worry, I'll wait. How do you handle that? Are you the one that's always worried about any and everything that's going on and you're giving away power because, oh well, oh, the name on that jersey, oh, my goodness, oh, what about? Is that you? Every time your kid makes a mistake, it's the end of the world. Is that you? You sitting on the sideline holding your breath, because every single point is life or death, whether you think it does or not, that has a bearing on your child. That is manifesting itself in other ways that your child is picking up. That is, and you might not be aware of it. That's why I'm even saying this is how you conduct yourself about these situations that were you all players, coaches, parents are going to be in Subconsciously, sometimes consciously.
Speaker 1:
That's affecting your child and we get to get away with a lot of stuff Under the umbrella of competition. There's a lot of stuff under the umbrella of competition. There's a lot of craziness that happens because it's competitive and oh, I'm just competitive. You have the ability to determine and help your kids show up a certain way Because it's easy. When you see it everywhere, like I said, you see kids be scared all the time that doesn't mean that it's OK. So just because you see it everywhere doesn't mean that's what should be happening. Just because you see parents or coaches acting crazy doesn't mean that's what is supposed to be happening. Just because you see parents or coaches acting crazy doesn't mean that's what is it's supposed to be happening. Just because you hear and I know the girls here because we have a, we will address it but just because you hear other girls talking about themselves negatively, talking about how not good they are and oh my gosh, I suck, and all of this, and you think it's okay because everybody does that.
Speaker 1:
Here's all I'm saying for your consideration. Maybe you should think about addressing it. There's going to be enough pressure and stress and resistance on the road to success. You don't need to be a part of the equation the whole group, all the stakeholders, parents, kids and athletes. We don't need to be an added barrier to the success that we want to achieve, and that's just a very simple and subtle way we are.
Speaker 1:
How do you manage your emotions as a parent or coach? Is it okay for you to scream and yell and act a fool and throw your bag and throw your hands up every time something don't go right In volleyball? That's crazy, because it's every single point is something. Somebody's making a mistake on every play. Can you imagine what kind of energy you're sending into that environment? And we're all guilty of it at certain points. Every time something doesn't go well, we're oh. Something doesn't go well, we're oh. It's wild, but it's true, especially how impressionable these athletes are. Something to think about.
Speaker 1:
I told you I'm going to keep this short, so I want you to take this with you, process this, how you have to process it. You guys know you can hit me up, it's whatever, but like listen, how do you, as a leader, manage yourself? You don't want your kid to be scared. You shouldn't be scared, and I'm hoping that, as an adult, you have the ability to at least fake it. Right, you can at least fake it. So when your kid looks at you, when your kid sees you, you are a source of strength, you are a source of encouragement, not amplifying what they're feeling or what they're going through in that moment, and that's all it is.
Speaker 1:
I do want this to be confrontational for you, because I take leadership very seriously, but I don't want this to be condemning, right, because we've all been in those. It does feel like that, but that's the thing is, if we're riding the feelings wave, we're not helping, unless it's encouragement, unless it's cheering, unless it's supporting. You know. So we don't want our kids to be scared, and we could probably expand on this, but you know, like I say, I want to keep it brief for you today. We don't want our kids to be scared, our athletes to be scared. We should be modeling the behavior that we want them to embody, because that becomes a talking point, right? That becomes a thing that we can point to to say listen, I understand what you're going through, right, because secretly we are going through the same thing, probably. But here's what I want you to think about Boom, insert whatever it is, and if it ain't you, maybe you got somebody in your circle that can deliver that word. Because, again, competition, this is the thing, and I'll wrap with this.
Speaker 1:
Competition demands certain things. It demands emotional stability, it demands confidence, it demands it, and that's just a couple of things. At the foundation of every meltdown you've ever seen, there was probably a lack of emotional stability. There was a lack of the ability to manage stress. The system failed and now we're so under duress, we're so overwhelmed, we're so unstable emotionally. In that moment meltdown. And I just want you to know you have a hand in that as the leader. You can teach to that, you can speak to it, you can have systems and little practices in place for your athletes I don't care what age to navigate these stressful environments and situations. They're in much better. So take that for what it's worth. Man, I hope you have a blessed day, keep fighting, a good fight.
Speaker 1:
For those of you who are in the volleyball world listening to this, I know the season is coming with. A regular season is coming to a close and as you approach the weekend, if you got a tournament, finish strong, you know, speak that into your kid man. Go out there, lay it all on the line. Finish strong, you know, speak that into your kid man, go out there, lay it all on the line. Finish strong so you can move into either next season or the postseason with some momentum, on a high note. So I love y'all, appreciate y'all for listening. We'll talk soon.