Can the principles that have led you to success as an athlete be used to inspire your children to thrive in sports and life? Step into our world as my wife and I, both former division one athletes, share our experiences and insights, including how to avoid projecting our experiences onto our children, and instead adjusting our methods to fit their individual needs.
We cover the importance of setting expectations, both at home and in the sports field. We talk about age-appropriate expectations that start with simple rules like listening to the teacher and having control over attitude and effort. Emphasizing that these expectations should be achievable, we underline the importance of granting children the independence to meet them. We also delve into the importance of instilling a strong work ethic, taking ownership of both successes and failures, and the impact of negative self-talk.
We end by addressing the trickier side of youth sports – setting expectations and holding our children accountable. We share insights on monitoring your child’s love for the game, not just the fun, and how to stay abreast of their abilities. And while the journey as a parent is not always straightforward, we share our approach to finding the right balance between extending grace and maintaining accountability. So, join us and discover how to challenge, stretch, and set your children up for success in sports and beyond.
Can the principles that have led you to success as an athlete be used to inspire your children to thrive in sports and life? Step into our world as my wife and I, both former division one athletes, share our experiences and insights, including how to avoid projecting our experiences onto our children, and instead adjusting our methods to fit their individual needs.
We cover the importance of setting expectations, both at home and in the sports field. We talk about age-appropriate expectations that start with simple rules like listening to the teacher and having control over attitude and effort. Emphasizing that these expectations should be achievable, we underline the importance of granting children the independence to meet them. We also delve into the importance of instilling a strong work ethic, taking ownership of both successes and failures, and the impact of negative self-talk.
We end by addressing the trickier side of youth sports – setting expectations and holding our children accountable. We share insights on monitoring your child’s love for the game, not just the fun, and how to stay abreast of their abilities. And while the journey as a parent is not always straightforward, we share our approach to finding the right balance between extending grace and maintaining accountability. So, join us and discover how to challenge, stretch, and set your children up for success in sports and beyond.
Good morning, good morning. Good morning. This is Coach Steve. You are listening to the Cornerstone Athletics podcast. I'm back at you live and direct with some more information, some more insight, some more wisdom to just continue on this mission to build a stronger leadership in the sports world. I hope these athletes have immense success on the field, off the field or where I would say, in their sport and in their lives. More or less so that's what we're on just trying to bring that and I wanted to follow up on our conversation that we had last session episode. We're talking about basically a parents guide to building resilient athletes. I believe was the title that we came up with.
Speaker 1:And, as I started to just think about it and I had a brief conversation with someone who was asking the how question, you know the how? Well, yeah, I want my kid to be resilient, I want my kid to not be soft and all of that stuff, but how? And it was a good combo. It kind of gave me some insights into really and I'm not saying this in any kind of egotistical manner, it's really just, you know, like, oh, I realize I have a significant amount of experience from youth all the way up to college and just like anything else. Sometimes, when you've done something for so long or it's just, you know, like a part of your life, you we project things on the people. Like you know, if you're good at math, you might think other people should be good at math, or they are good at math, right, stuff like that. So we got into that conversation. It was really good conversation and what I wanted to do was try to get a little more tangible.
Speaker 1:Sports are one of these things where there are a lot of. There are a lot of analogies, there's a lot of, you know, conceptual thoughts, there's a lot of anecdotes and all of these different things. But trying to give something tangible to you as a parent is what we're going to. You know work to accomplish today. So what I basically did was I went back and just looked at what was me and my wife's thinking when we started to do activities, when we got our kids involved in stuff which led to sport, because you know, it kind of started with sports, but it really started with gymnastics. But either way, we're talking about the mindset and if I guess if I could give you anything, part of this conversation I had with my friend is okay, my wife's in the Hall of Fame and basketball.
Speaker 1:I played football at the collegiate level. I had some opportunity to play some other sports at that level, chose football and so did it at a high level. You know, I believe the numbers still show 5% of all high school athletes go on to play college ball, right, so did it at a high level. And that's great, that's cool, that's sweet, all of those things. But guess what, as I've said before, we all hang that jersey up and then move on in life. Which is a big part of my mission with this cornerstone athletics thing is I got really hooked on. I want to see kids have success, I want to see athletes have success.
Speaker 1:After the hang that jersey up and I'm sure I've said that before because I've been saying it for over a decade now that was part of my revelation when I got injured in my career ended was I got to experience stuff that just the demand of sports at a high level I just didn't get the opportunity to experience. So that's what we're, that's what we're after. So we're we're taking essentially the mindset of two former division one athletes, one Hall of Fame athlete and, you know, quite honestly, a family of collegiate level athletes, you know. So how did we kind of approach this whole thing and how did we try to frame it out to where our girls are? Because my girls are still in transition. Let me be very clear with you. I'm not saying this is I'm some guru that's on a different planet than you all that might be listening. What I'm saying is I under we understand our girls are on transition.
Speaker 1:Where we're bringing to our children are is not just the thinking of, you know, the elite level competitor and all of that, but it's also like as a parent, putting them in a different situation to where they can get the best of everything right. Because you know, if you talk to my wife, you know I've shared before you and, honestly, if you talk to a lot of athletes that kind of came up in that same era I'm not going to pretend like we came up in the most healthy environments. The world was different, coaches were a little different, all of that stuff, and never pros and cons to both, just like now. But you know things change for a reason, you know, to some degree. So you know I've had coaches cuss me out. I've been thrown out of practices. I've been. You know I had to run for hours on the end for quote unquote disrespect, like it's a lot of different stuff.
Speaker 1:So when we start to look at our kids, it's real easy for you to lose sight of what you want for your kid and project onto them what you experienced, and I hope that resonates with somebody right? So, instead of looking at how we can make a situation better, how can we can get the best of my experience and couple it with the best of their experience? Sometimes it's easy for someone to just say, well, this is how we did it, this is what I used to do and that's why and unfortunately, that usually runs its course really quickly and it's just not generally the best approach you know I'm a big fan of. Let me take some of those principles or behaviors or things that I know helped me achieve and compete and perform at a high level, and water it down where it needs to be watered down, ramp it up where it needs to be ramped up so my kid can thrive. Okay, so that's what we're talking about. It's not just you know, hey, well, I did this and you didn't has none to do with it. It's taking out these frameworks and saying, okay, well, here's how we look at this and hopefully it's helpful. So I had to actually write it down. I usually and it's not like you guys can see me yet, anyway, but usually, you know, I might take a note or two and then I just get on here and I go, but I wrote this down just because I wanted this to be something that was fruitful, you know. So let's, let's get into it. You know, if we're talking about a guide, okay, some things that you can consider as you're helping build or shape a resilient athlete not just resilient, but also high-performing athlete.
Speaker 1:The first thing that we started with and this is just a general rule in the house and that's something that I also hope you pick up on parents, and if you're a parent, you coach. However you go about this, I think this is just also a good way to run a house, which is, you know parallels, right, there's lessons that we can learn in sport that help us in life. So I mean, I just wanted you to see that loop that we're talking about. But the first thing that we did was we set expectations, all right, we made sure they knew what we were expecting and we made sure that what we expected was something that they could achieve. Okay, so we set expectations with our kids and then this is kind of what that might sound like or look like relative to their ages. You know, hey, when we first started them, I believe we started them in gymnastics first it wasn't swimmer gymnastics, but I'm pretty sure it was gymnastics and you know we would sit there and they do their little gymnastics thing. And our expectation was, hey, when the teacher is talking, listen Right, like just when the teacher is talking, you listen, that's it. And it's funny, as simple as that sounds Like, just the process of having that conversation with your kid opens a door for, I think, future benefit. Because you know, hey, they knew that we expected them to listen.
Speaker 1:Now here's what else was going on and if you can imagine two and three year olds doing gymnastics with other two and three year olds, there was a lot of distractions. I remember a little kid was a little guy. This is when I was like man. I'm thankful I have daughters for real. For real. These little dudes, these little dudes was in there and they would be banging their head up against a little wall and it was padded, but they would just be banging their head up against the wall. They're supposed to sit on their little shape or whatever the teacher would give them, and they'd be banging their head up against the wall. And I'm looking at the moms like, oh man, you can tell they going through it. And boy, moms are, are, are beasts, so, but there's distractions. You got all of this different stuff going on Kids getting up not following instructions. And this is not a yeah, I mean, they're little, right, all the kids are going to be different.
Speaker 1:But what we wanted to just instill very gently, very early, was that's fine, but what we want you to do is do the best that you can to listen to your teacher when she's talking, because that's respectful. She's talking to you and she's teaching you something. That's just a common courtesy to be respectful. But it's also the best way for you to learn because you'll be paying attention. You know they're shaking their little heads and they get it, and it's also obviously something that we talked about at home.
Speaker 1:But the expectations you set, the expectations we set, have to be within reach. Right, it has to be something that they can do, that's, it's not beyond them, because if you're setting an expectation that's beyond what they're able to do, I mean we're really setting ourselves up for failure. Right, the expectations change, obviously, as they get older. Right, some of the expectations become non-negotiable. When I'm talking to you, you look at me and you listen. Don't interrupt someone when they're speaking. You understand what I'm saying. Like, it's age appropriate, but the habit and that framework is set to where now, as they grow, that anchor is already hooked in on. There's expectations here. You don't just get to show up and do whatever you want. You don't get to show up and be however you want to be or maybe you're not, maybe you're having a rough day, maybe you know you're not feeling the best. But because you know that expectation is what it is, it brings something out of you that helps you rise to another occasion. Right, that's the power of expectations.
Speaker 1:If we leave our kids without any expectation, we're really setting them up for failure, in my opinion, because they're just making stuff up as they go in their young minds, however old they are. That's crazy. You know our kids this is something that you know my wife I'm at a place that she used to work I had to tell you that we talk about freedom with responsibility. I'm like that's a pretty solid principle. I like that and I'm cool with that being a thing. So my children know generally as an expectation if you demonstrate to me, you're responsible with the things that I put in front of you. I am more apt to allow you freedom, whatever that might be, and it's been productive and it's been helpful.
Speaker 1:So we set expectations. So when we got into sport and they got older, the expectations changed, but there's still expectations and they were prepared for expectations. That's the other power when you actually set expectations with your kids is they become prepared for the expectation and then it's really up to the adult to make sure which we'll talk about in the next couple of pieces that we're doing right by our kid, who is now receptive to expectations, and we got to make sure we're managing ourselves and being the leaders we should be. So some of the expectations. As I told you, they needed to understand what the expectations were. Here's something that we had we had an expectation to control the controllables. Some of these expectations are principles as well, but you get the point Control the controllables. And what are those things that we can control? Always Attitude and effort. You can always control your attitude. That is a choice. How you think, how you, your attitude. That's something you choose in your effort. How hard do you go, how hard are you working at practice and a workout in the game. We're going to control the controllables.
Speaker 1:And I want to just note here, notice that we didn't focus on winning, because there's probably a longer list. I wanted to give you all some. If we were going to build a house on some of these foundational things, this is it, but we didn't talk about winning. Winning is an outcome, that's a byproduct of the work. So if you can imagine and unfortunately you see this all the time, I don't care what sport, you see it all the time there are folks whose expectation is winning inappropriately Let me rephrase that because that sounded weird, not like doing something inappropriate to win, but they are setting an expectation to win inappropriately, because what happens if that kid went out there and gave everything they had, they worked hard, they fought, they tried their best and then they lost?
Speaker 1:Now we're in a sticky situation because if the expectation has been set with them is we win, win, win, win, win, win, without other context, you can see how there can be some problems that really start to run deep with some young folks, maybe some of those old athletes that you know that just have dysfunctional relationships with sport, dysfunctional relationships with performance, because, while maybe someone's heart was in the right place, maybe they were communicating and setting expectations that were off the mark. So we focused on what we can control. We control our attitude and our effort. Now, along with that, we believe this If we bring the right attitude, which affects our work ethic, which affects how we are as a teammate, which affects our intensity and our effort, which goes hand in hand, because now, how I'm showing up to do what I'm doing, how am I showing up to practice, the games, the competition, all of that when you keep that at the center of the formula, you increase your opportunity to win. There's some other pieces to the formula, but you increase your opportunity to win. That's why you want to just focus on controlling what you can control. So that was one expectation, the other one and these aren't in any particular order. This is just how they came up to me.
Speaker 1:We believe we're capable of great things. Because we believe we're capable of great things and we work hard and we got the right attitude, we feel very confident that we're going to be able to go out here and execute at a high level and accomplish some cool things. That also means we don't do negative, destructive self-talk at all. There's enough stuff that's going to come against you in life and in competition that will maybe make you doubt some things, that will make you question some things, that will challenge you in that way. The last thing we need to do is be doing that in-house.
Speaker 1:The next one excuse me, we don't make excuses and I've talked about this. If you're new to the podcast, go back. I don't even remember what season episode it was the no excuses podcast. Listen to that, because this isn't just a screaming yell no excuses. This is probably the most intellectual way to describe no excuses. It softens your character.
Speaker 1:When do you use excuses? You only use excuses when you don't do something. Well. We lost and I'm going to blame somebody. We lost. I'm going to scream at the referee or I got fouled, or they missed the call or whatever. We don't never make excuses when we win. We take ownership. That's the sub point. We don't make excuses, we take ownership. That doesn't mean blind ownership, foolish ownership. That means I'm able to look at myself. I'm able to look in the mirror. I can assess my effort. I can assess my attitude. I can assess everything that I brought to the mission and just say we either got it done or we didn't. We don't waste energy making excuses and playing these sensitive ego games, because that's, in my opinion, what really happens.
Speaker 1:When you start to make excuses. You got a really sensitive ego and you might not be cut out for competition. One of my old coaches used to tell us all the time it's okay to feel good about yourself as long as you're doing the things that you need to do. I just understand there's always going to be somebody bigger or faster or better or stronger. You can look across the landscape of the world. You can probably bet, with probably a good chance, somebody can outdo you in one of those. Somebody will be able to shoot better. They might be able to pass the ball better. They might be able to catch better, they might be able to throw better. Who knows? We don't got time for egos, sensitive egos, unhealthy egos, not when you're on the road to the championship. I mean, you got to have an ego to compete, and to compete on a high level, but the health and the management of it has to be intact.
Speaker 1:We don't make excuses, moving on, we work hard and give maximum effort. I talked about that in the control of the controllables. We work hard and we give maximum effort. We circle back to this one. This is one that, when we talk about this, it's important because, unless there are some and I get it we live in America and there are plenty of people who are fortunate enough to not have to work because of the provisions that have been instilled in their family from who knows how long ago. But the reality is somewhere, even in that case, somewhere along the line, somebody had to work. You're always going to have to work. Every level, every phase of life, every level you go to in sport is going to require work. What we've learned is, if you're willing to have the right mindset and give the right effort, intensity, work ethic, at every level you go, you'll have whatever success you're supposed to have. Quite honestly, mentioning the work ethic piece is important because when you really start to think about what stops people in sport, can they do the work, a good chunk of it is, yeah, sometimes it's just fatigue. I've been doing this so long I'm done, but at a certain point it really just comes down to can I get through another offseason? Do I want to do the work that's required for me to perform at this level.
Speaker 1:And again, when we're setting expectations, we want to set this foundation in these things that move with them past life or, excuse me, not past life, past sport and into life. Because guess what? You're going to have to work. If you're smart, you might get a job that you love, or find a profession or a vocation or whatever it is that you love, and it don't feel like work, but it's work, it's just the nature of it. So as soon as you get comfortable with work, as soon as you can be on a path for real success. So went down a little rabbit hole there.
Speaker 1:But the expectations, these are some of the expectations that we set, and this is point two. Right First point was set expectations. The second point is we taught them what the expectations were, what they meant and how to live it out. Okay, it's one thing to say some words at your kid. It's another thing to actually teach them how to work. Going back to the last episode teach them, we teach them how to work, we teach them how to believe they're capable of great things. We teach them how to not make excuses, teach them how to have a great mindset. So it's that simple. That's point two. Now don't just set the expectations verbally, but then teach your kids whatever these expectations are and hopefully they're strong expectations, meaning they have some substance to them. Remember what I said about teaching them having an expectation of winning. There's a time and a place for that, but when we're talking about character development, that can get really risky. So we set the expectations, we teach them what they are and how to live them out.
Speaker 1:And then, number three we praised and corrected them based on our expectations. Don't take a step back to the younger kid. Just visualize this kid If you don't have one, or maybe it's one of your athletes or it is your kid. However, you're looking at this and listening to this. When our kids were younger, and maybe they weren't super skilled right, and maybe they didn't know the defense very well Guess what? We praised them on Effort, great job, way to work. I love how you hustled Praise them all being a great teammate Something we talk to our kids about all the time. Be a great teammate Because if you don't notice when you get down the road or up the mountain or whichever analogy, really works best for you. On these elite teams, on these high performing teams. It's a team effort Like for real. For real, all hands on deck type situations. So if you're not a great teammate Kind of sourced that recipe a little bit right. So we praised and corrected them based on the expectations. Right now, my teenage girl, I have a teenager and one another teenager to be, and then one trail in a couple years. My children know me and mom expect Effort. We expect you to work. We don't. We, we believe this.
Speaker 1:Just had this conversation with my girls yesterday. I got them looking at working out differently because I don't want them to fall into the habit I fell into. So we do training every day, quote, unquote, training. That really is a two fold process. I want them to just develop this habit of moving every day. And you know, from a health standpoint, because that's something that troubles athletes Once they get done with sport, you really kind of, you know, some people fall off the wagon, some people keep it going. It just kind of depends on the habits, right? So we do manageable things day in and day out. Sometimes we run, sometimes it's just some little work out in the living room It'd be a hosted thing.
Speaker 1:And yesterday we were talking about attitude and effort. You know, two of my kids didn't really want to do it. They were boohooing the whole time, giving me piss, poor effort. So we got done. And remember we're talking about praising and correcting on the On the expectations that you said. And I asked them Pointedly. I said hey, look, look me in my face. Did you give your best effort, did you have the best attitude that you could have in this situation? They answered no and I said so, what? What are you knowing that? That is a foundational expectation in our house? What, what, what do we think is going to happen right now? What should happen right now? And this is where you get an opportunity to really grow and help your kid like grow and think at another level. And they were like a punishment. I said it's not a. We got to re, we got to rewrite our language, we got to rewrite our thinking. It's not about a punishment, it's it's. It's here. Check this out.
Speaker 1:When you don't give your best effort, take anything, you don't give your best effort at work, what you think could happen? Get fired. You don't give your best work, your best effort. In a relationship, a marriage, what do you think could happen? It's going to call problems, maybe a divorce, if I don't give my best effort as a father, what do you think? What, what, what, what is that going to do? It's going to affect our relationship.
Speaker 1:So what I'm trying to get you to see is bigger than a punishment for not giving effort in the workout. It's the habit of if I'm going to take a break from my life. It's the habit of if I'm going to take time. I can't get the time back. Right, wasted time is worse than wasted money. You can get some more money. You cannot get no more time. So if you're going to take the time to do anything, have your mind right and bring it. It's that simple. If you're going to invest it was a 15 minute run, 20 minute run, 20 minutes and running Instead of boo-hooing about it and wishing you were somewhere else and doing all of that. Make the 20 minutes worth it.
Speaker 1:So we ran again. Right, they get back. I gave them a time. They didn't make the time. But guess what? Immediately, what did you notice? The effort was there, the attitude was different, and then I got to take them deeper. Guess what? There are some times where you give your best effort and you do have a good attitude and it just don't work, and that's okay. I wish I could tell you I won every game. I didn't. I wish I could tell you I was invincible and just because I set my mind to it and I worked hard, that meant I was going to win. That doesn't Just gives you a better opportunity to win. But I want this is the we're not worried about. We didn't make the time because one we're just training, we're just trying to get the baseline so we can stay ready and never have to get ready really. But this is why we don't want I don't ever want to have a conversation about attitude and effort again. We shouldn't even be running this other, this extra run. When we come back out here again, just bring it.
Speaker 1:So you hold them accountable or, excuse me, you praise and correct them based on the expectation. I corrected them based on the fact that, hey, we're not living up to this attitude and effort expectation that you've been raised under. I wasn't criticizing them for something else that had nothing to do with anything. I wasn't criticizing them for. You know, I mean it's just crazy to criticism and things that come up when we don't have expectations. We just kind of make stuff up. They already knew the deal. When I asked them about their attitude and effort, they already knew. I didn't make it about anything else. Okay, along that line of correction point number four and I kind of already went into it a little bit with that story. I told you, but we hold them accountable to the expectation. Okay, so I had to correct them, but I had to hold them accountable. That was the second run and this is what I think.
Speaker 1:Where people miss, I'll just say it that way I miss parents, we miss coaches, we miss because this doesn't always feel good Having to hold your kid accountable. I knew my kids was tired yesterday and while extending grace is another prominent expectation and principle we live by in my house, at the same time, I have to hold you accountable to this, because this is character forming and shaping like this is. This has to be there in your life, right? And I see a lot of times we're so focused and worried about our kid feeling good and feelings, and I don't. I want them to feel good and I don't want this to hurt and I don't want them to go back to the soft thing. Yes, whatever it was yesterday. We make our kids soft because guess what feelings change All the time. They'll betray you all the time. You might feel this way here and then you feel this way.
Speaker 1:This is kind of a barometer. I know what it feels like to lose a championship game. I know what it feels like to get eliminated in a playoffs and because I know what that feels like, that was a driving force or behavior as my girls got older and sport of like okay, you can feel like you're about to die right now, on this other, this next sprint, but I promise you that feeling doesn't feel worse than when you lose a big game and you're not playing anymore. Right, got another point that's going to come to this getting ahead of where they're at, holding them accountable to expectations, setting expectations that's ahead of them, that mean something to them as they grow. Because guess what? One, two, three times my youngest daughter's lost a national championship. My other two have lost in the gold bracket of USN Nationals. And guess what, now that they know what that feels like and now I can reference that I know it doesn't feel good right now, honey, but guess what feels worse is getting to the end of the line and not having that extra gear or that extra ability to win when it matters. Okay, all the expectation, hold them accountable to the expectation. All right, this next one.
Speaker 1:As they demonstrated aptitude or increased ability, we presented new challenges. So we played rec league ball for, like, I think it's probably the same, maybe the same time as everybody else, but how we were looking at it was more like all right, I just want my kid to continue to be challenged and grow as an athlete. We hopped around trying to well, hopped around, we searched, trying to figure out where that was for us and what that meant, because, like I said, the landscape is different. It's been different for a while and that ended up in club and as we got into club and just kind of traded water a little bit in terms of getting acclimated, they demonstrated an aptitude of being able to compete, at least right now, at the highest level for their age group. So that was a thing that where now we're like all right, well, let's have some conversations and are we still on the same page about what we want? And we are, so let's, we're going to now increase the challenges, increase the learning, the conversation, the stuff relative to where they're at.
Speaker 1:A lot of times, when you don't have expectations set. You miss the mark on this. You're over your kid's head, you're beyond them, you're projecting yourself onto them in a way that doesn't fit. Maybe Sometimes people say living vicariously through your child. I don't necessarily think that's always intended in the stereotypical way that people use it. I think it's. It's often just a little bit off of, like your too far ahead of where your kid is. You know, in this climate too, you see a lot of people trying to keep up with the Joneses, trying to keep up with you know the images and things of that effect. But basically was they grew and as they changed and as they began to essentially take more ownership of what they were doing, meaning they love it.
Speaker 1:I enjoy this. It's fun because for a long time it's really social. You know their friends do it, so they do it, and I think that tapers off for different people at different times. But it's good to notice stuff because sports ain't cheap like they used to be. So you having expectations to kind of gauge and measure stuff is a good. But point six weeks, we do our best to stay ahead of where they are. And that goes back to what I said about you know me knowing what it's like to lose championships me knowing what it's like to win championships, all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:If we can just put the carrot a little bit in front of them, we help them better process and manage and understand what they're in and where they're going. And so far we haven't been off. And hey, be prepared for this. And then they experienced this. Keep your eyes out for that. And then they experienced or see that, so what that does when you can stay a little bit ahead of your kid, you know again, just like I was saying, you don't need to be 50 steps ahead because there's too much. There's too much that can go on, right. Yes, my, like I've said before, my daughters have this thought dream of playing college volleyball, but there's too much. There's too much real estate To jump all the way down there. Could you Sure? Is it foolish? Absolutely. I'm going to be a little bit ahead. Okay, here's the next piece. Boom, here's the next piece. I said dangle the carrot, but it's also like the carrot with the breadcrumbs, because you have to constantly and this is going to be this last piece Stay ahead of them.
Speaker 1:You got to monitor their love for the game, not the fun, and that might startle some people, but here's what I mean by that. If you have these expectations and you are teaching them to your kid and they are receptive and you're holding them accountable and you know all of this stuff, you're staying ahead of them. What you realize is, as they start to climb this athletic ladder, it's not always fun. They are going to be a little bit crazy. Turn it to test and see what happens. Discuss hey, baby, I'm okay, good to go Right.
Speaker 1:It's um, I can speak to volleyball. That's what I can speak to right now. I know some friends that do it in other sports, but my direct experience is watching my children do volleyball and when you're playing the best of the best in the country, there's some stress, there's some not fun times and it can be intense. In situations like that, you got to love it and that might be part of the tension that exists is some of these kids experienced this stuff so young they might not even have a real measure of if they love it or not. That's a conversation for another day. But, like you got to love it to be able to stay in it, meet the demand consistently year over year. So we got to monitor their love for the game.
Speaker 1:Now, with that said, that doesn't mean that they're not having fun. They have a lot of fun and it always feels good when they're having fun or kids are having fun, right. But when we're talking about, you know these and I say these expectations forgive me, I got wrapped up in expectation talk Just these things that we've done right, these kind of principles or this guide that we're talking about, that's a part of it. Man, you got to monitor, you got to watch, you got to see how your kid is navigating it. Hopefully, y'all have a relationship that's healthy and strong enough to where you can talk about stuff, because there's a lot to talk about. I don't care what sport you play, there's a lot to talk about.
Speaker 1:These kids are living a different life. They're growing up in a different world. They're exposed to a lot of stuff, and it doesn't mean that they're not kids. It just means that when there's so much exposure, right, they got friends on social media. Most of them they got. You know, I mean, I look at some of this stuff for some of my older athletes that I've coached Instagram, facebook, this recruiting platform, this other little chat thing this is going on. This is happening over here. You know people are just talking in school, all of this stuff that happens.
Speaker 1:You got to stay in tune with the kid and you got to be able to just know where they are. Do they still love it? Are they still having fun? I know I said fun is important too, but as they get older, every level just gets more business oriented. For me it was relatively early on. Sports was my way to get to college, like the way, the only way. It didn't matter if it was fun. Now I'm not saying that every kid is in that situation or should be, but what I'm saying is that love of the game is what's going to sustain them over the course of this journey. When things aren't always going their way, when things don't always feel good, coach is barking at them, you name it. Those are some of the things. So I'm going to go back over real quick and then we'll get up out of here you know we're talking about this guy to building a resilient athlete that we talked about yesterday or the I'm losing even track of the days.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, but talk about setting expectations. That's number one. Number two teach your kid the expectations and what that, what they mean and how to live them out. That's two three praise and correct the kid on the expectation, your kid on the expectations you set for. Along with this is kind of a 3A, but we'll call it for along with that corrected piece. And three hold them accountable to the expectation. Even if it doesn't feel good, it's in their best interest.
Speaker 1:Five as they demonstrate aptitude or increased ability, increase the challenges. Six stay ahead of them a step or two, not 50 steps, because if you get 50 steps ahead you might start to lose touch with them. Stay one or two steps ahead of them as best you can. And then number seven keep a pulse on their love for the game. Make sure they're still loving it. Every single, every single day ain't going to be fun, every single day ain't going to feel good, but if they love it they'll keep showing up and they'll keep working.
Speaker 1:So I appreciate you all, man, and I hope that helps. Like I say from a you know a division, one former division, one athlete, but a holofamor household. Just take that information and do something with it. If you got some questions, don't be afraid to reach out Because it matters. Like I've said time and time again, the level of leadership in the world of sports got to change and it got to increase, and it starts at home. You know, and some of the topics that I've been writing down, it seems like this is trending towards a parents podcast, which is cool Because you know, we're all in this thing together. It should be a collaboration between the parents and the coaches. You know, coaches got to be better but ultimately, parents got to be better first, because these are our kids that are doing this stuff. So, either way, man, I appreciate you all for tuning in and listening. This is Coach Steve with the corner athletics cornerstone athletics podcast. We'll talk soon.